The Craziness that is TIME ALONE

Have you ever lived with people for a while -- family, friends, roommates, mortal enemies -- and had a significant time alone, with no schedule of things to do? As most of you know, I graduated recently. I'm still doing some work on my thesis and making plans for next year, but I just have no really pressing matters I have/want to take care of. So, this alone time is getting a little old. I've tried to do the things I don't normally get to do: reading, watching movies (e.g. will ferrel movies, Office Space, Kill Bill). Play some game boy, go to the gym. Oh, but wait. This is stuff I DO usually do for fun/relaxation. I could really use a good anime series or something cheesy to watch.

I guess the bad part about being so bored is that I'm out a lot. I went to the grocery three times yesterday. I found out today that we are out of coffee filters (not real thrilled about that since I wanted a cup for the first time in a week). I am actually dieting this week to see if I can't burn off some of the viceral fat congealing to thwart my otherwise successful ventures at the gym. So, since I'm bored to death I thought I'd fill you guys in on some of the things that have been going on that I DON'T normally talk about. Fun huh?

1. I lost 500 SEK the other day. like I said I've been out and about so much that I buy cucumber here, and tomatoes there. Maybe I want a soda. Well, whatever the case, me in my inevitable carelessness, dropped a 500 SEK bill somewhere in stockholm. I just hope it wasn't down by T-Centralen, because the stupid druggies will use it to pad-out their drug ring down there. It's really pretty disgusting. So, I'm down 500 SEK. I probably have enough money to get me through till my folks are back but I'm REAL low on cash. My american ATM card is finally here, but won't activate for another 24 hours, and my local card is probably tapped after graduation. I'd try to go sell myself on the street corner, but given the general hawtness inherent in the local populus I doubt I'd have much luck. Plus there is a good chance of arrest and expulsion from the country.

2. I made Kebabs in the oven. I never thought it could happen, but they weren't very bad at all. The low carb diet kept me from having onions on them, but they were good anyways. Green Pepper, Chicken and Mushroom -- uber tastig. I had a plum tomato and cucumber salad on the side with low fat feta and herbs, along with a fresh avacado, lightly seasoned. Oh, and the tall glass of pepsi max (sooooo much better than cola light!). It was really good, but I was totalyl craving sweets afterwards. I think it was probably all the salt. I still have tacos to eat ... maybe I'll have those for lunch. I bought a head of romain for 'shells' since the leaves are almost perfect-shaped for wrapping things. I've actually near perfected the taco seasoning since I did it by spoons this time instead of mix -- I'm in a perpetual battle with my mom to weed-out flour from recipes, and this batch turned out REALLY good.

3. I should probably clean. I am in the middle of washing cycles right now, but I really need to pick up the kitchen. My dad left the place pretty clean, so I need to get it back in order. I think I've used every dish possible in the kitchen AND washed a few times. Go figure. I swear you use more dishes when it's just you than when it's the entire family. Oooo, I think I'll vaccuum tomorrow, so it at least looks semi presentable when the folks get in. I don't mind the vaccuuming at all actually, but the parents always choose strange times to do it. If they'd just ask ...

4. Nightmares abound? This may have something to do with the sun never actually setting, or the fact that I've just gone back on my strange diet, but I have been having very vivid nightmares. Usually they involve some sort of physical violence, which is completely out of character for me. Interestingly, I know when the dream is going for a downward spiral because someone I know get's hurt or is threatened. For some reason this puts me in a defensive posture and I tend to lash out. Sometimes my target is 'bad' sometimes it's 'innocent'. In part it may have something to do with my temper, since I am relatively level headed, but I tend to lashout when pushed. I'll either get over these or not. If they get worse I'll have to decaffeinate and stuff ... god that would suck. The only sweet things I get right now are diet sodas ... mmm ... d-i-e-t s-o-d-a :)

5. OCD and email. I'm not sure if this is an actual symptom of OCD but I check my email like 50 times a day. To this end, I even try to limit myself. Is that like an alcoholic and counting? I have no shame in admitting to owning 4 emails accounts. I actually LOVE getting email, it's one of my favorite things, but people are rarely able to keep up. Is that strange? It seems like most other people don't have a need for email, but somehow I find it very comforting. If I start doing the same process when I check my email, I will really start to worry, but currently I just randomly check with no set routine.

So this was a splendid time waster, I hope that people could get through it all without the expected yawn. There is tons of other stuff I have to write about, but maybe I should save it for another posting. Hope everyone is well!

~B San