Monday, October 04, 2004

There and Back Again, a tale of First Dates

I've written this about 7 times now. Blogger was totally fucked up earlier, so I hope its worked out its issues

C and D seemed quite suprised the other day when I mentioned that I'd been on 60 some odd dates in the last few years. It doesn't bother me so much, it's the lack of second and third dates that just REALLY gets to me. I can usually tell in the first 10 minutes if I want to see someone again. I've almost never been wrong. I've even tried going on the second date with those I discounted by the 10-minute rule, and it was not pretty. For the most part though, I've got it down to a set of casual rules or guidelines. They are really just common sense, but damn it's amazing how many of these people neglect.

Note on Accomplishments and Finding that Perfect Someone. D mentioned that I seem accomplished and that it must be just devasting to find someone who keeps me interested. D, herself exceptionally accomplished, should have a pretty good idea of how that works out, but I do understand her concerns. I'm relatively laid back and easy going, and I do NOT appreciate a 'pissing' contest between people who've done alot. Instead I like to get to know people different from myself. The difficultly is that I don't want people interested in me so much BECAUSE I've done this or that, but more for who I am. I think it ultimately comes down to a phrase I've been thinking about over the last week or so: I want to be a treasure not a trophy. I am currently growing into this new idea. It probably comes from dating an emotionally abusive fuckwit nobhead with no nob for almost two years.

First Date Rules. (1) Be clean, (2) Be punctual, (3) conversation is a two way street, (4) Keep hands OUT of salad at dinner, (5) use the 30-minutes-in-save-my-ass-sms program through friends so you have an out if you need it, (6) always meet in public, even when you've met the person out before, (7) repeat (5) for good measure (I've yet to use this), (8) avoid onions, (9) if you are going for coffee take good gum, (10) Shake to meet, huge to end, (11) Kissing optional and (11a) avoid all tongue.

Deal Breakers. (1) Smells relating to any general hygeine principals, (2) fantasies and fetishes are for sharing later, NOT first date material, (3) talking about gay shit: fashion, clubs, drugs and shopping, (4) telling someone they are gay or straight because of what they wear/drive, (5) talking about your relations with my ex (especially while we were together), (6) groping, grabbing, or otherwise inappropriate or unwanted touching (call it the tort waiting to happen), (7) Lying, (8) 'sharing' my dessert and eating all the god damned frosting off (aka the frosting incident with aforementioned ex), (9) being so into yourself that you think everyone else should be as well, (10) scoping others while on the date, and (10a) talking about the scopage like it's casual (hence assuming I'm doing it as well).

Thoughts? Concerns?

Deal breakers are always good ... but for some a deal breaker is endearing.


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