Creativity or Procrastination

I don't think that anyone reads my blog anymore. Not that it depresses me in anyway. In someways, not catering to an audience invokes more of my innerworkings than I might expect. I am still sticking to my, "no editing. now matter what you end up writing on here." Though several reasons come immediately to mind on the nonediting, justifying them would just be pointless. My blog is definitely more pensive and dark than I 'd like. Me in raw form. Very rare indeed.

I've been in a constant funk since returning to Stockholm. I was truly excited to return. The entire time I was in the States for xmas I thought about how nice it would be to get back. You can read, in short form, my experiences there. Though I complained while I was there, conveying my shock and the over-weight-ridden South, I really did enjoy several things: (1) they have texmex there, (2) the guys are different 'breed' which makes them more attractive in a sence, and (3) I was close to my sister. I guess I am, in part, missing these things.

Tex mex rocks my sox. There is no true substitute for tex mex. WE make pretty good tacos having lived in texas for as long as we did. The problem is that we make them. There is something about stepping into a taqueria or tex mex hovel where you can only get tex mex. Of course, tex mex is not really 'good' for you per se, but it's easy to make it fit any diet, you just got to know how to do it. Tex mex ... mmm :)

The guy breeds. Ahhhh texas. Who can discount the fact that texans are truly robust, fit, tall, truck driving, hard working, beautiful people. I think the stark difference in Sweden, where men are beautiful and the women try to keep up, and Texas is frankly weight. Swedish men are tall and slender. Texas men are tall and thick. Swedes have beautfil skin and lithe figures. Texas men have really hot legs and perpetual tans. Swedes are stern, and drink heavily. Texans smile and joke, and, er, drink heavily. Swedes won't talk to anyone they don't know. Texas live for meeting new people ... need I say more?!

My sister is stuck in Dallas. She's finally in a study program. I think it's killing her to start, but hopefully it will help her in the long run. Who knows. It sounds a bit like she could teach the program admins a thing or two. I guess there is nothing wrong with that. It just sounds like the program may not be comprehensive and well thought-out. I miss he tons. Even just being around and goading her into doing stuff with me :) It's uber fun. I think she probably needed a vacation from my visit. I had her doing stuff a couple times a day, which sounds like a rather large deviation from her normal routine. ANyways, I'm trying to get her to go to a dietitian so she can have an essential life-focus that will have visible changes. Hopefully she wil come visit this spring or something.

I need to get out in the city more. It's tough, as mentioned about, to meet guys though because they tend to be very cliquish in Stockholm. Of course I'm somewhat self conscious because I'm not mainstream swedish, and have to talk to people in english. Eh, not such a big deal I guess. The other problem is who to go out with. C and D would go, but I'm not sure that it would cater to meeting people. I could go with K in my class, but a pair is not usually a good way to meet people either. Who knows, maybe I can pull a Texas and just go out with K and be uber agressive. More persistent problems seem to be the loud nature of all the bars and clubs here. It is amazing how loud they keep the music. I usually come home hoarse from shouting. It doesn't help that there is no smoke-ventilation in the bars. Anyways, I just need to do it. I mean, I went on four dates while I was in dallas, so I know it can be done.

On a different note, my sister and I talked about writing. At least, we want to start writing some sort of novel etc. I keep walking around thinking of little snippets of storylines, but the most disturbing is that my minds seems occupied by descriptions and development. It seems like I run through 25 - 30 openings for chapters a day. No joke. I seem preoccupied. I think it's probably because I'm in exams and my mind is trying to distract me from the issues at hand. I'm not really all that worried about it. The funny part is that the 'descriptions' evade me when I try to sit down in front of the computer to put them to virtual 'paper.' Who knows though, hopefully something will come of it.

Hope all is well out there!

~b