Monday, March 14, 2005

Problems with the *friend word

And by *friend, I mean * = boy/girl. I've noticed that several of my friends have issues with this boyfriend girlfriend thing. When to use it. Does it matter who uses it first. Is there a constructive gf/bf, even without the words. Do we need the words? Do we want the words? Do we want to need the words? Lots of fun questions. None of which I will answer here.

Boyfriend. One of my buddies has been seeing a guy for a little over a year (I think, I suck at dates). I always ask how things are going, and I didn't really realize I'd been asking the wrong questions. He took this guy home for the holidays, and then spent some of the holidays with the guy's family. Hmm, that is suspect, but still they have very par introductions,"Oh, you know A." and "This is P." For my friend, he's hesitant to be the first to say boyfriend. I suspect that is out of consciousness for the other guy. So, even if my friend knew his date would not be offended by the title, would he still avoid it? Are they really boyfriends? When do you venture from 'total integration' on the friend, social and sexual stage to full fledged boyfriendage? I half expect to get berrated for talking about this, but I think it's interesting :)

Girlfriend. On of my other friends has no trouble calling her significant other a boyfriend, but there is no reciprocation -- and I venture that there is cringing at her use of such a formal title. I've much better insights into her relationship, but her's a perfect example of constructive *friendage. They were friends before dating, so on a very basic level they were boy and girl friend. However, they have dated now for a bit, and do most of the integral stuff including reciprocal time with family. While she's comfortable using the terms, and WANTS to use the terms, he's vehemently opposed -- for his own reasons. But, it seems that they are constructively boyfriend and girlfriend.

When is it appropriate to start calling someone your bf/gf? Is there a time when it is supremely inappropriate to call someone a bf/gf? How do you know it's okay? How do you know it's REALLY okay? Now I'm thinking about this ... "damn my eyes." I'll think on it somemore and get back to ya'll.


Listed on BlogShares