Week of Change

I retitled this post 3 or 4 times. It was a toss up between change and disappointment, but I really don't have that much to be disappointed about. I'm done with exams, I'm starting into a new term, it's getting lighter out, and staying lighter longer. What is there possibly to complain about?!

I've started pleasure writing. It's, um, pleasurable? And NO it's not THAT kind of writing, or pleasure. Maybe I should have called it leisure writing :) I am having a good time with it. I started off forwarding manuscriptage to my sister daily, but I've now moved into just sending it out every few days. I think it will be better that way. I'm trying to get about 2 pages a day to paper. So far, 5 days, so you do the maths ...

Someone claimed that Einstein was voted the more important/smartest man of the century. As much as I like to think my fellow humans are apt, and could choose the smartest man, I'm not convinced Einstein was the One. Let's consider the 1900's for a few seconds, in topic form for brevity: (1) public health comes to fruition, (2) vaccines become mainstream, (3) antibiotics, (4) DNA and cellular structure, (5) Plastic, (6) Rubber, (7) microwaves, (8) theories of light, (9) micro chip, (10) microprecessor, (11) crop engineering, (12) assembly line production, (13) asbestos, (14) human rights, (15) modern theory of economics, (16) electricity mainstreamed ...
Einstein was a smart cookie, but there is no way you can discount one discovery over another, because their interplay allows each to stand alone. Without public health it is marginal whether half the world would still be here ... without antibiotics we'd be lucky to be living in tribes again. Just a thought. I think it was uncouthe to give one man an award not possible without the others.

We started back to school this week. It was interesting. I was expecting our professor to learn from the mistakes of being vague and unorganized last term, so you can imagine my disappointment with the term starting without a time table and a lecture on choosing a thesis topic consisting of "That's too vague, you need to narrow it." Um okay, maybe you if you actually PRESENTED some information on how to search a topic, how to narrow and how to avoid vagueness that would be helpful. Otherwise, you set up a straw man you tear down. It does not build the confidences of a class already weary with disillusion from last semester.

I went to see Team America. OMG, so disappointed. I'm sure in an american context it would br quite funny, but damn was it crass and inappropriate. At least SouthPark is funny while being offensive. Whatever, maybe their next movie will be better. At least Alec Baldwin dies in every movie they've made so far :)

Sending my best

~b

They really read :)

Okay, so I was fishing, just a little yesterday. I DO have readers!

We have our big exam today. I've been reallynonchalant about the whole thing. We studied the inner workings of arbitration all term, and then they tell us to go on break before the exam. Who ever thought THAT was a good idea needs to to have their head examined. Instead of studying and probably over studying, I've decided to take the confidence approach: know what you know, apply it the best you can, make your other arguments logical. I feel like so much of it is textual, but I really seem to 'see' the nuances in a completely different way than my friends and peers. Yes, that's right, I'm THAT student who asks the questions in class and people are like,"dude, what crack pipe did HE pick up last night ..."

Writing this semester. We are just supposed to write all semester, but there are hints about the fact that the professors want to give lectures and seminars. No offense, but I was at your whim last term, and it was NOT pleasant. On tues. I was so grouchy I swear I verged on pre-malenstration syndrome. Thoughts kept coming to me about getting emails requiring our 'attendance' in classes. I drafted fantasy letters all day. My head was just full of them. So much so I called my loan company, and wrote the Maryland Bar a letter, not nasty, just formal and demanding. I think part of my problem is that I job searched on tues ... it is not pretty. It is wierd how quickly I can turn out materials once I really put my mind to it, though. I covered about 120 jobs. Justified my inability to apply to each. Guaged my unqualified nature against their requirements, disimissing each in turn. Oh well, something will come up.

My parents parents seem to think I missed my calling. I really want to become a teaching/professor. Originally I wanted to a Pediatrician. I'd have been badass, kids love me. Now I'm doing higher level degrees and I really am not sure what I want to do, so I'm trying to stick to my roots, since I wanted to teach as an alternative to med school but was vehemently told 'no' by family. Accordingly, my parents are latching on to something completely different: cooking. Of course, those of us who like to eat, can cook. It's an inherent necessity fueled by our inner most desires and drives. Hmm, 20 minutes on research or 20 minutes making flourless brownies ... hmm ... tough choice. Anyways, I've always a knack for tastes and recipes, probably as a throwback to my years in the lab in undergrad. Who knows, maybe I will end up doing something like Roberta Donna (Galileo, Laboratorio in DC) and become a famous chef who teaches. Really, I'd want to get just good enough to go on Iron Chef >:) lol, so much fun.

Sending as always,

my best,

B

Creativity or Procrastination

I don't think that anyone reads my blog anymore. Not that it depresses me in anyway. In someways, not catering to an audience invokes more of my innerworkings than I might expect. I am still sticking to my, "no editing. now matter what you end up writing on here." Though several reasons come immediately to mind on the nonediting, justifying them would just be pointless. My blog is definitely more pensive and dark than I 'd like. Me in raw form. Very rare indeed.

I've been in a constant funk since returning to Stockholm. I was truly excited to return. The entire time I was in the States for xmas I thought about how nice it would be to get back. You can read, in short form, my experiences there. Though I complained while I was there, conveying my shock and the over-weight-ridden South, I really did enjoy several things: (1) they have texmex there, (2) the guys are different 'breed' which makes them more attractive in a sence, and (3) I was close to my sister. I guess I am, in part, missing these things.

Tex mex rocks my sox. There is no true substitute for tex mex. WE make pretty good tacos having lived in texas for as long as we did. The problem is that we make them. There is something about stepping into a taqueria or tex mex hovel where you can only get tex mex. Of course, tex mex is not really 'good' for you per se, but it's easy to make it fit any diet, you just got to know how to do it. Tex mex ... mmm :)

The guy breeds. Ahhhh texas. Who can discount the fact that texans are truly robust, fit, tall, truck driving, hard working, beautiful people. I think the stark difference in Sweden, where men are beautiful and the women try to keep up, and Texas is frankly weight. Swedish men are tall and slender. Texas men are tall and thick. Swedes have beautfil skin and lithe figures. Texas men have really hot legs and perpetual tans. Swedes are stern, and drink heavily. Texans smile and joke, and, er, drink heavily. Swedes won't talk to anyone they don't know. Texas live for meeting new people ... need I say more?!

My sister is stuck in Dallas. She's finally in a study program. I think it's killing her to start, but hopefully it will help her in the long run. Who knows. It sounds a bit like she could teach the program admins a thing or two. I guess there is nothing wrong with that. It just sounds like the program may not be comprehensive and well thought-out. I miss he tons. Even just being around and goading her into doing stuff with me :) It's uber fun. I think she probably needed a vacation from my visit. I had her doing stuff a couple times a day, which sounds like a rather large deviation from her normal routine. ANyways, I'm trying to get her to go to a dietitian so she can have an essential life-focus that will have visible changes. Hopefully she wil come visit this spring or something.

I need to get out in the city more. It's tough, as mentioned about, to meet guys though because they tend to be very cliquish in Stockholm. Of course I'm somewhat self conscious because I'm not mainstream swedish, and have to talk to people in english. Eh, not such a big deal I guess. The other problem is who to go out with. C and D would go, but I'm not sure that it would cater to meeting people. I could go with K in my class, but a pair is not usually a good way to meet people either. Who knows, maybe I can pull a Texas and just go out with K and be uber agressive. More persistent problems seem to be the loud nature of all the bars and clubs here. It is amazing how loud they keep the music. I usually come home hoarse from shouting. It doesn't help that there is no smoke-ventilation in the bars. Anyways, I just need to do it. I mean, I went on four dates while I was in dallas, so I know it can be done.

On a different note, my sister and I talked about writing. At least, we want to start writing some sort of novel etc. I keep walking around thinking of little snippets of storylines, but the most disturbing is that my minds seems occupied by descriptions and development. It seems like I run through 25 - 30 openings for chapters a day. No joke. I seem preoccupied. I think it's probably because I'm in exams and my mind is trying to distract me from the issues at hand. I'm not really all that worried about it. The funny part is that the 'descriptions' evade me when I try to sit down in front of the computer to put them to virtual 'paper.' Who knows though, hopefully something will come of it.

Hope all is well out there!

~b

Start to a New Semester

'Morning all. I've been up since 6:30. It is interesting how you fall into certain patterns, especially in the morning. I usually get up and have coffee and read the paper with my dad. WE started this when mom went to the states. The morning routine works since he usually remains nonconversational in the morning. It's good to read the paper in the morning. I usually check my email and have some breakfast after.

What's most interesting about the start back, is, not only the morning routine, but the evidently routine nature of my life here in general. Hmm, I'm not sure routine and general should be used in the same sentence, but there you have it. Several things remain routine: school, boredom, lack of significant other et cetera. School especially seems routine. My frustration with the administraiton of the course and the perpetual feeling of disdain for attending lectures persists, even after a refreshing holiday.

I was somewhat taken aback yesterday when a classmate asked if she should move so my 'friends' could sit with me. Suprisingly, I was inwardly hurt by the comment. I would not have expected such a strong internal reaction, but to think that a class of peers views me so dependent on others as to necesity a physical movement to sustain me, it was something I did not expect. No offense to C or D, but I am NOT dependent -- at least I hope not.

I think I need to start going out and meeting people though. For the longest time, I've debating asking one of the waitors at ChokladKoppen if they go out much, just to see if they would extend me an invite ... kind of passive agressive. I haven't seen one of my classmates, K, who would probably go out with me. If K and I went out, it would be more: Hi, we are going out, would you like to get a small group together and go out since oyu know more people in stockholm? That would be cool, I think. I'm still pining over M from last semester ... oh well. If he'd been here then I'd be more agressive ... but that is neither here nor there.