Thursday, September 30, 2004

Selfworth and the dynamic pursuit of happiness ...

I think most people would agree that you need a certain amount of self worth in order to appreciate life. Generally, self worth, to me, is the value you place on your own interests and physical person. Someone who acquieses to the demands of a group is not devaluing their interests so long as they voice their opinion(s). However, there are certain interests that individuals seem to put on the back burner, so to speak, in order to make life easier.

Often displacement of personal interests comes as a substitute, and not an absolute assignment. In this sense a quid pro quo exists to counter the personal loss and replace it with a sufficient substitute. This allows us some kind of constitution and stability internally. What becomes troublesome is the repeated substitution of someone else's personal interests in place of our own. I feel, often, that substitution creates a feeling of loss, like I am not vested in whatever issue is at hand.

Undermining my own self worth for the benefit of others is wonderful, for them. However, this disconnection will often leave me confused, unrewarded, and, quite frankly, tired. We are experience such a undermining in our lectures. I am participating in order to learn. However, my interests in learning, the interests that drive me to participate in the first place, are under considerable pressure to conform to an almost teaching quality. I've thus become a teacher of materials for class, instead of divulging the liturature looking for nuances and mechanics. It is very frustrating, and the most likely source for my complaints and frustration with the course. As I deprivate myself of the recognition and selfsatisfaction of reaching my mental goals, I am also cheating myself of the selfworth I would derive from these. So in a sense, I've morphed from student to quasi-teacher. The kicker is that I receive little or no recognition for my efforts. When I do assert a question of nuance, the true professors shrug it off as 'not something they know about.'

For these reasons I feel frustrated, and unexplainably helpless to change the process. I need to make efforts to reinforce my interests in the studies, and continue to pressure the professors into answering my nuance questions. I think that the little things that I refuse to relinquish to the group, thereby retaining my selfworth-vestment in the academic side will pull me through. Otherwise this is going to be a terrible long year.

Small victories may support happiness. I will strive to reinstate my self into the course. Perhaps even a small portion of 'me' in the works will produce enough gratification to make the other challenges (the substituted challenges) less work and ultimately, make them enjoyable. In any event I will go absolutely mad if I don't make some adjustments. Learning is supposed to be fun. Maybe I should reevaluate and see if this process doesn't allow for DIFFERENT learning experiences. One thing is is certain, it is decidedly different from what I've done before!

~My best

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Party Pooper

I went to a party last night. It was definitely inteteresting. C and D couldn't make it, but another friend convinced me to go. There are certain things, socially, that even pretty outgoing and engaging people have trouble doing. Imagine, walking into a room where there are only swedes, drinking (of course), and you know absolutely no one. More importantly, they are ALL SITTING AT SMALL TABLES. How the hell do you mingle and talk when everyone is at small, intimate tables?

The nightmare of even the most seasoned social-butterfly is to enter a place knowing no one. In my situation, how the HELL was I supposed to meet someone. I can't eavesdrop on conversation. I can't make a funny joke or pick on anyone. The purpose of the front bar was for buying drinks only. And the music, omg, the music was terrible. The burning house song kept going through my head, "The house is on fire, the house is on fire. We don't need no stinking water let the mother fucker burn. Burn mother fuck, mother fucker burn (I've also heard burn mother fucker, burn)."

Apparently mental chorus of arson and destruction suffices to make someone look 'meetable.' Within 7 minutes, I had someone talking to me. Interestingly, of those 7 minutes, I used 3 to call C to try and look like I had friends coming ... little did she know ... :) I actually stood in the doorway and perused the croud while I was talking. She actually caught me at one point, but I think it worked in terms of getting someone to come up and talk to me.

Once you get one ... I was a little miffed at first because the guy who came to talk with me was an evening student. Evening students typically work during the day, so I doubted this guy had many people to introduce me to. Turns out, he'd previously been in the day program and knew half the people there. After leaving, I subjected a smallish group of people to my presence. It didn't go so well at first. Apparently I'd stumbled onto a table of highschool graduates. NO, I'm no kidding. 19 years old, and studying for their drivers license -- which, I was told on no uncertain terms, is one of the hardest licensing exams here. In fact, one of the kids had never driven before. I was thinking, jesus H christ, I've entered the twilight zone or deliverance. Thank god no subsequent conversation mentioned pretty mouths or inbreeding.

I WAS supposed to get up this morning and go to the gym. There is something about sitting/standing in a room, enunciating like Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady, and breathing in copious amounts of heavy cigarette smoke. This is sweden, so of course, no one thought to open a window for draw to keep the vast cloud of soot and chemicals above the crowd. I spoke with C on my way home, while I waited 34 minute for the last train. She mentioned it sounded like I'd been smoking. I think I need to pick and choose my functions with more care. This waking up with sore throat and smelling like an ashtray just does not work for me. Something to think about at least ...

~My best

Monday, September 27, 2004

Tallying: Questions in Class

I have to say, I was ON in class today. I answered questions like they were going out of style. It is amazing how I could rephrase things and people actually seemed to understand. Maybe I'm becoming partially articulate. It's definitely doubtable though. The questions I was rephrasing were so tedious that any restatement probably made them sound coherent. So sad ... and here I thought Id' found some marbles!

Oh well, it's not a lost cause. I ended up going to the gym AFTER class today. Wierd. The classes that start at 9 just totally mess up my day. I don't know why. Well, no, I do know why. If I go to the gym I have to be there before 7. Do you know how hard it is to get up now before 7. It's barely light out! Then you get there, and they play this GOD AWFUL dans musik. It really is atrocious. So you are lifting and suddenly you realize, omg, I cant' do anymore, why I am SO tired. Well, duh, the music has you pushing out reps so fast it makes richard simmons look like julia childs. So, the 6 am work out, not going to happen. That's all I need is to be too tired to realize how fast I'm going, and drop weights on my face or something. So, I get to go to class, sans work out, and the professors show up 10 minutes late. It just gets old. But whatever, it's free right :)

So to help pass time I began a tally. There will be frequent tally updates, possibly on a different blog, but there will definitely be updates. Tally categories include: (1) "Can you repeat/clarify the question?" (2) "What?" and others. Those two are just the most common. I'm sure my class wonders what I'm doing, but omg it's amazing how often these two topics come up.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Random Guy on Stilts Posted by Hello

Fun Storefront Posted by Hello

Dark Stadshuset Posted by Hello

Broken Castle Reflection Posted by Hello

Bee in Flower Posted by Hello

Ray of Hope Posted by Hello

Reflection Perfection Posted by Hello

Leaves and Gros Posted by Hello

Dew on Cool Leaves Posted by Hello

Swan Fountain Posted by Hello

Dew on Leaf Posted by Hello

Dew on Flower Posted by Hello

One of the Opera/Theatres Posted by Hello

Ja men HEJ, det ar JAG! Posted by Hello

Duckies eller Ankar Posted by Hello

Eh, kinda blar-depro'd

Depression. Irritability. Preoccupation. Everyone has them. Hello, if we didn't we'd be too perfect. I just feel like lately I've been incredibly sensitive. There are so many reasons, but there are a few that weigh on my mind like broken records. C and I actually talked about them today, in the very abstract.

People, even those who are partnered, want physical touch and contact. Not so much in the sexual sense, but in the form of hugs and touching. Of course, I'd expect it to digress for most, but it doen't have to. There is no requirement that a hug or holding someone is meant for sexual purpose. Just sometimes you need hugs. It seems like I'm in desperate need sometimes, and the more I get the more I want.

I've been in a relationship based on pretenses, before, where certain events created this guard within me that I am having trouble removing. I am well passed this particular relationship, but I've been so critical of myself that I don't think I appeal to others as 'available' for a relationship of any kind. The problem here is that when I do start to expose parts of my sensitive side, it is usually to someone 'out of my reach.' Mi and I had this discussion REPEATEDLY, that I only like those I can't have. That I'm so willing to put energy into 'liking' someone when I know, deep down, that it can't be reciprocated. Interestingly, I don't feel hurt, or empty after this happens.

I guess what's upsetting me about this is that I was hurt by someone who is good looking, and relatively smart. Two things I am, inherently, attracted to. Well, the result tends to be pretty harsh. I am so skeptical about anyone halfway good looking that I immediately discount them. As in, 'if you are good looking, what interest would you have in me?' Moreover, 'if you are good looking, there is probably some fault in your character.' This, good looking is inherently broken, just needs to stop. I don't know how to get over it, but god damn if it isn't one of the hardest things I've had to do.

Rejection is a typical fear of everyone. However, rejecting yourself before someone actually gets the chance to do it is an even tougher obstacle. I've had enough trouble with this that I will avoid someone who is good looking just on the fact that I am already resolved that they will reject me, even before I attempt to connect with them. No one really wants to experience rejection, but it really is one of the things we do to get a good 'return' on our investments so to speak. What I've done, for at least the last 3 years, is invest in the secure. I attach to people who are intellectual and emotionally responsive, forgoing the attraction element. What makes this hard is that you really need to have relationships beyond just companionship. Maybe I'm irretrievably broken?

What's sad, is I would kill for someone who is "my type" to just sit with me and watch a movie. Give me a hug. Not be afraid to touch my arm when we are in a movie. Ha, want to nap with me -- probably my most favorite thing :) I mean, it doesn't even need to be sexual, just the mere presence of someone to reestablish my worth and thwart this blackhole of attraction I've experienced for who knows how long. It would help if they could reciprocate some of my attraction, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure that would make much of a difference right now since I am pretty skeptical about anyone who conveys their attractedness to me. It's like a bad drama: (1) a like b, (2) b likes a, (3) a tells b and (4) b is so unsure of himself that he dismisses a. The dismissal is misplaced, because it is b's discomfort with the conveyance from a. In that, b is having trouble manifesting how a could possibly have interest. It's really more of a self doubt, projected on the other person. It's terrible, and it's hard to get over. But I think I'll really make an effort to recoop that part of me.

Touring With People

So, I'm sure that if you read this with any frequency, you'll note that I am pretty random. To stick with said trend, I wanted to recap on walking around Stockholm with people today. I've been twice. Once this morning with my parents. Later C and I went. I enjoyed both experiences for different reasons.

My dad's been out of town for a week or so. We got to talk a little bit this morning, about presentations and stuff. Then we had cake, today is cheat day afterall, and went to walk it off. While some people tour a city to experience the different areas through site, pictures, learning, we really seem to do it more as a family framing and appreciation for the city we live in. I can't really remember doing it anywhere else.

The interesting this is, that each of us has a different perception of the pluses and minuses within the city itself. Usually a tour, not unlike this morning, is a slow stroll with frequent stops for pictures of flowers and buildings. Sometimes, it's to make an outrageous attempt to catch the light as it passes through an old sign, or the reflection of a boat in the water. We talk some. Mostly about different places to go and eat, to hang out and be social, the usual stuff. What we don't realize though is how much we are really sharing about our different perspectives of the city. We rationalize the 'frame' and justify and crappy shot by the need for the object of thirds. But what it really shows me is the contrast in percieving the concrete world around us in the City of Stockholm.

When C and I went, we talked about non-familial things. Relationships, things coming up with school, things we had in school, parties etc. It's your general conversation, a concert of the beginnings of a new relation with the malaise of sharing with someone you are comfortable with. It's just a completely different experience. Plus, when we go to see things C has yet to see, it's new and I get to share my framing. It's interesting, because sharing different angles and different reasons for taking a picture with C is completely different from the way it is with my parents. With C, I'm hoping, it's more of an addition to her initial experience. In so far as it could be, I'm hoping that it is grounds to build on, and a means for comparison allowing her to appreciate the city for different reasons than I do. Inherently, C is a different person and should appreciate things from a different value base. This is not to say that appreciation does not come from a similar place and cannot be the same. Instead, C gets to build on my preconcieved notions of the city. C also develops her own perceptions. Together she gets an enriched view of the city.

Not to digress to food. BUT OMG we so kebab'ed today. It was a really good time. C got chicken. I got Kebabtallrik - kebab with sas over pomme frits. Then we, naturally, talked about the new trend of blogging. I wonder if we could get our other friend D in on it ... Anyways, we talked about several things over kebab, which seems to inspire us to new levels of sharing. We've only been twice, but each time we've talked about pretty significant things. Kebab was NOT as good as last week. I think it's because D bailed on us :( We were all supposed to go juntos but her significant other needs supposed for recovering from embibing alcohol. Anyways, we kebab'ed and IT was good. So spaketh the lord ...

After our city tour, C and I hit Coffeehouse by George. They just opened a new one down on Hamngatan. It was pretty awesome. I had carrot cake and mocha. Then there was the brownie incident. I really wanted the brownie, but C had mentioned she wanted one earlier when we were discussing CH by George. A long discussion ensued about the purchase of subsequent brownieage, but I just annexed a goodly portion of the corner with frosting :) C consented of course. It was 'good times, good times.'

Moments: we all have them

I wanted to take a few to give voice to moments, both enduring and fleeting. Often I go through life, dividing, subdividing, parcing only to come to the same conclusion repeatedly. Here I will digress, as an introduction. If you want to get to the meaty stuff, and skill the intellectual crapola, please continue to the next section :) Wherefore, I am so absorbed by moments that, frequently, I can completely alienate myself from 'living' and experiencing. Detachment is healthy, under the right circumstances, but I feel that I spend a good portion of my time experiencing and then reliving and evaluating through reflection. Reviews of experienced times, in themselves, are moments of reflections. However, I am taking the time to review another moment. So, this leaves me with quite the intellectual conondrum: Is the moment spent reviewing a previous moment displacing a moment through a mental preoccupation with passed events. Do you lose the present moment? Am I really wasting half my time reviewing and reliving passed moments? Ojala, do I review my review? However it works, I justify the whole thing through the following mumbo jumbo (yes, that is technical jargon): (1) Choice is often the derivative of passed experiences, (2) Each experience is purposeful, (3) some experiences have such an impact that your psyche fractures while you are a child, (4) the resulting protection mechanism created subliminally manifests in a life lense according to childhood experiences, (5) ultimately, every experience will help inform some decision within your lifetime -- clearly some more than others. Hmm, maybe that didn't come out the best, but it follows the enneagram. The enneagram is the oldest personality typing and is, truly, amazing if you can conceptualize and use what it has to offer.

Moments of Common Connection
My favorite moments, especially when meeting people, is the instant when you find something in common. Mi once told me that I have a knack for finding connections with people even before I meet them. This to the point that she suggested I could probably predict common ground even without talking to the person. Watching people act and interact has always occupied some part of my demeanor. I've always enjoyed contemplating the varying thoughts and processes people have when walking, buying, talking, conversing etc. It's very clinical of me, even calculating.

I'd like to rely on the surface explanation of clinical observation of people, but it really comes from a need for connection with people. It's not even that I need very many deep connections. More frequently, I find that mere connection, even in a superficial matter, satisfies my needs for finding common ground.

Anyways, I think common connections are so strong for people because they satisfy that initial Maslowian need of Relationship - the need of belonging to an identifiable group or grouping.

C and I spoke briefly about this the other day. It seems that small interactions like SMS or emails from people you know well, or even just met, make a rather large impact on your mood. This is especially true when you have some vested interest in furthing a common interest or connection with a person. For instance, I've met several people since I've moved here. There are some people who text me and my first response is, "cool, I like getting text. I will text them back later when it's convenient." There are others who text me and, truthfully now, it makes my day. I think it gives credence to the addage that "it is the little things in life that makes a difference."

Moments of Emotion
I have so many of these in a day I don't think I can recall half of them. In a sense, having an emotional moment is no more than affirmation that I am alive and functioning. I would guess that many people don't recognize half the emotional moments in a day. People are even emotional when they sleep. Maybe we aren't meant to recognize moments of emotion because they are so frequent and changing.

Moments of ------
Still more bothersome, are those moments when you are there but not there. I'm not sure I will do a great job of presenting this concept, but I'm pretty sure there are times when you can create a disconnect so stong that there is just ---- . I tend to have these pretty frequently, while they are cool and all, they are a little disturbing when I think about them interms of experiential components. To experience is to perceive. Perception is a nuerological amalgum of interactions and displaced ions. I'll find my text on this and link to it later, but really it's uber chemical.

When I have these moments I can be completely surrounded by people. I can carry on a conversation. My limbs work, sometimes even better than when I think about doing something. But the disturbing part of this is the fact that no one else seems to notice. I'm not sure I always notice until I'm reviving from one. It's strange though. Usually when I'm 'reentering' the experiential plane, I am separate from myself. My voice sounds odd, and I smell things I wouldn't usually notice. Most strikingly, my mind 'catches' me up by fastforwarding through whatever I am doing to get me up to speed. To be perfectly honest, I kind of enjoy the catching-up part. What I dont' enjoy so much is this constant idea of reviewing. Where was I for that few seconds? How does my body know to go on standby?

In any event. The above are my deep thoughts for the day. IT BURNS US,IT FREEZES! Anyways. No more babbling. Maybe something about stockholm in my next one :)

Random Quotage and Highschool Reversions

I'm decidely inspired by C's blog. So much so, I'm staying up well pasted my bedtime to write more. Jesus H Christ. Most of these quotes will remain without author until I can remember where they all came from. HOWEVER, you can rest assured the speaker is nestled neatly within the mass of this blog. Please note, there were no aminals harmed during the production of the following quotes ...

"Okay, the cute babies and dogs have to stop. Seriously"

"Yeah, they look anorexic..."

"I think when you BUY a flat here you get one of those dogs"

"Yeah, I need one more thing from you and that's it ... it says it's a two-step process."

"No, I don't think kittens like that."

"I'll look into it ... what were we talking about again."

"Why don't you try using .. *pointing dramatically towards his temple* this instead."

"I'm REALLY used to using forms."

"No one wants to reinvent the wheel."

"Someone may not understand them because of the different melodies we speak with."

High school is so far behind us, and yet, we relive that experience daily. Seemingly, I can't escape it. The following list is just a sample of what I mean.

- Your friends want you to save a seat in class.

- If you were slow when you got there first, you all squeeze-in. Even when there are several extra seats.

- The first day you had a discussion about popularity. More importantly, your conversation mentioned the ellusive A group.

- as much as you want to work, you are on an allowance. Authorized by parents or significant other.

- Everyone has a nick name.

- When you had role call the first day, you were seriously tempted to initiate the Penis Game even considering that half your classmates wouldn't get it.

- Drinking is cool.

- No one can have more than a few before they are tipsy. Of course, they blame their non-tolerance on other focuses.

- You really want to tell people about particular hygeinic practices, but instead you talk with your friends about it and devise ways to avoid and cure the problems yourselves.

- Everyone is nice. It seems like, sometimes, they don't know how else to act.

- Passive agressive is acceptable. Agression is passe or non-pc.

- you rediscover that everyone's shit smells. Even your own.

- You are so confused in class sometimes, you just know you are ADHD. In fact, you blank out whole portions of class.

- the art of bs is not lost.

- when you answer a question the room draws back in that aweful horror file angle, singlingly you out. Everyone watches you intently. Hoping, deep down, that you fuck up royally.

AS much as this SOUNDS sorta like highschool. There are some distinct features worth noting.

- You see your teachers 2 - 4 hours a week.

- One of them wrote the book. If you can understand it, why the hell are you taking the course. In fact, if you CAN read and understand the book, you are doing better than half the teaching staff.

- Getting a short question is a blessing, and usually the crucifix. As you take the bait of the easy question, the prof assembles the questions in a 10 minutes question that is exactly 2 sentences peppered with dangling articles. Now that you are carrying the damn cross up a hill, answer the question.

- could you repeat the question? is the most used in the class. I think I will start a tally.

- Native speakers have the advantage. Um I've yet to see this. We are expected to talk more, write better and help everyone else ... somehow that is uber advantageous.

aight, I'm stopping here. I've been writing way too long. My typos are growing, exponentially.

night :)

Sporatic Social Ananlysis

Okay, so I'm already debating the regular incorporation of social commentary. I guess, already, my title is a misnomer. Including something regularly or even with some frequency negates the sporatic nature.

I am particularly excited about the idea of social dynamics. Of course, we all have theories, but do we actually know why societies function? As much as we like to explain things, we really take a general, blase approach to relationships. Not so much the pursuit of relationships, intimate and friendly, but more the reasons behind our persistence to have relationships on varying levels. Perhaps it is the inherent nature of man, even on the molecular level. We have this underlying need for change and alteration. Stagnation and static molecules and cells are, well, dead. Dead sorta defeats the whole purpose, of life. But I'm not convinced that we pursue relationships just as a general drive. Instead there is the sick dynamic of social and physical/emotional drives.

Ja men HEJ. To start off with, I have these horrific theories about social dynamics in small social groups of 10 - 25. Social groups like division. Not the people, the groups. It seems that groups function better with some form of defferential heirarchy. A bunch of followers make a pretty sorry and unproductive group sans leader, and a group of leaders suck sans a bell curve(hello. hopkings, law school. Case in point!) or followers. Mostly, I think there are two dividing mechanisms: cliques and classes. Variants arise, especially in smaller, diffinitive groups and broad, over general groups. A decent cross-section normally falls under one of the two categories.

Clique or Class? Well, it would be interesting to see if there is actually any control over this on the individual level. As much as authority figures encourage unique behaviors, let's face it, we live in a group-mentality-driven society. I short, society, or the constituent group, will develop the mechanism most appropriate for its survival. What I am so enjoying about being here is slowly watching the group develop. I am fairly certain the current group will divide by class, with an underlying clique based upon common language.

Okay, so you are thinking, well no shit sherlock. Let me wrap up with these few thoughts. The group is international. So, inherently there should be an initial division by common connection. Moreover, there is exclusion on the same principal. When several group by the common element, it excludes those in the group not endowed with the same connection. Again, duh, I did this with Vehn diagrams when I was like in second grade. BUT, a mere common connection, I think, is insufficient to base a group division. Instead it becomes just an element to the hodgepodge of factors, or driving connection, creating this social beast.

If a smallish group could divide on the sole basis of language and background I don't think it would function well. Functioning well is, still, a matter of opinion, but clearly, the group strives for some driving connection. Thus, while a division exists there is another drive to connect the groups and to push the common background to the status of an undercurrent. I was trying to think of some stellar example, but I keep reverting to good and bad scenarios. Good and bad are clearly not in a common connection, but have an antagonistic connection superceding their underlying common connection. The common connection within the group is good guys pursue good, bad guys pursue bad or the opposite of good. The driving connection is the antagonism between the two units in the group. The common connection is there, but the driving connection is stronger. The common connection may also enflame the driving connection as in good is trying to stop bad or bad is trying to outdo good. It seems more intering to focuse on the conflict between good and bad, not the individual pursuits.

Jag men HEJ. I think my brain hurts now. I can't wait to get into explaining A groups. Several people already know, generally, what I think about grouping. They are all going, see I told you he was a nutter ... punks, I am not. Thoughts?

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Ja, men HEJ ...

Okay. So I'm started. C, my copatriot here in Stockholm, initiated this process. As ludicrous as it seems, I never considered doing a blog. Wow, I know, considering my ample boasting as web-person. In fact, it is quite a feat I have NEVER done one of these. Especially after Scotland. However, I hope to earnestly persue the various aspects of this expressive form.

OMG, will the lawyering words ever stop. Somehow, I think not. End of previous paragraph case-in-point. I am reminded of the incidence of Me this summer. We studied, intensely of course, for the Bar and stumbled across the most useful phrase in law. Well, besides all the other words in Black's Dictionary, this phrase is incredibly useful: irretrievably broken. The mere concept of something being so lost as to render it utterly broken, and more over, not even collectable in pieces. To think ... lawyers use this in the context of a marriage. How sad is that. Anyways, we turned it into a joke this summer. Me and I used it so often it became reflex. Then there was the near death experience at Coppland's. Too much joking at dinner is really dangerous, however, quickly averted by removal of pasta from the threat of snarfed soda and bread without further incident. We were not, in fact, irretrievably broken, and the joke lived on. Irretrievably broken.

I still use it, frequently, to the dismay of my multi-ethnic class. I swear, I think they understand me 28% of the time. Apparently I have a 'melody' that some people have trouble following. You know what it may equate to is standing in a loud bar, trying to talk to someone you just met. They really have no clue what you are saying half the time over the din of the music, but they smile to be polite. Add in a few drinks and they speak in several languages, and even on rare occasion, tongues. It's my own fault for being an ass about the whole english thing. I guess. But let me tell you, it's just tough when your professors ask you, in 5 minutes, to explain standard of review in american courts. I will give a cookie to anyone who can do it. In any event, other great words for use are defenistrate and squelch. Squelch probably being my favorite, but defenistration being the most useful as a threat. My mom uses it frequently ...

Okay, so point of reivew: This will probably be an absurd collage of random thoughts. Cohesion is NOT a driving force. In so far as this will probably drive people nuts, my apologies. My mind just does not function in a line like it's supposed to. Whoever said minds are linear. I think if someone tried to map my mind it would resemble difraction contructs of the chaos theory. Wait, the chaos theory may BE difraction theory. I can never remember. See what I mean ...

This is also a great point for a Ja Men Hej! I guess I should explain this random exclamation. Anyone who has seen swedish TV knows that the creative juices flowing into the scripts of the commercial writer-ing pool is, well, lame. I swear. someone is syphoning it off. They have some of the wierdest commercials. There will definitely be blogging on commercials at some point, but for now, the commerical that spawned my new saying: The Pension commerical. There are two variants, of course. In one there are women. In the other men. Commercial one shows a woman reaching into her trunk for her tank because she forgot to fill it. Anyways, she closes her trunk and sees this other, random, chick out in the corn. Very Field-of-Dreams-esque. She exclaims, "Ja men hej, det ar jag, " meaning, "DUDE, it's me!" okay okay, so I am projecting the 'dude', but it's like ojala! or holy shit. you get the point at least. The second in this vein of commercials, is a man meeting himself on a beach. I picked up Vad Da? which is a very strong WHAT?!!??! In any event, Ja men hej is my newly annointed word. I plan on obtaining an expansive, and comprehensive, swenglish vocabular while I'm here. Ja, men hej ...

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